Heartbreak Sucks | This is what I learned..

Relationships


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Many of you have been following my blog for years and have seen countless lovey dovey #StevieandSazan posts time and time again. Before my “happily ever after”, there was a season of heartbreak I went through in a previous relationship. I love focusing on the happy things with you guys, but I feel like some of my babes out there need this post right now more than anything.
 
Coping with a break up is probably one of the worst feelings we have to overcome. It’s hard to picture my life without Steve, and I can’t imagine what life would look like if I took a different path.
 
Before Stevie, I thought I had my entire life figured out. I met a Kurdish guy at the age of 16 and decided, YEP. He is the one. (LOL #SazanProbs) I was in a long distance relationship but that didn’t scare me. I saw it as a healthy challenge. Fast forward to 4 years later. I felt confused, insecure, lost, disappointed, and so far from the path that I thought was my destiny. I was young, immature and lived for those sappy “butterfly moments.”  When we stopped putting more wood into the fire, our love burned out. We both became selfish and even when it got bad, I still kept trying to resuscitate the relationship that flat lined a long time ago.
 
We all have that final straw moment. What was or is that going to be for you? For me, it was a complete meltdown in the parking lot of my college campus. I had enough. (Side note: I remember that day, walking into the news room with puffy eyes and I looked at Steve as he was goofing around (as he always does) and I thought to myself, “Wow. Whoever ends up marrying Steve will never cry the way I just did.” …. and it’s true. I haven’t. 🙂
 
Getting over my heartbreak wasn’t an overnight process, but when I finally did, I figured out that I wanted this breakup to shape me into the woman I wanted to be. Not the party animal woman or the woman everybody else wanted me to be.
 
advice, stevie and sazan, social media, healthy, marriage, tips, heart break tips, how to cope, how to, deal,
 
Stevie and I have had plenty of hard moments but I’ve learned through my past relationship that I never want to fall back into that dark hole. When we fight or argue there is no “walking out” or saying “I quit!” Our marriage has taught me so much in that everyday is a choice that two people have to make to love each other unconditionally and honor each other. Stevie has taught me to be a better listener, and I’ve taught him to speak up more. 🙂
 
If you’re coping with a breakup, here’s a little personal advice from me to you:
1. The relationship you were in does not define YOU. I challenge you to make a list of 10 GREAT things about yourself (without mentioning your ex lover.)
2. Think big picture. I know you’re hurting, but this is just a small blip in the grand scheme of things. It’s still a significant part of your story, but it isn’t the end of your story.
3. It’s okay to feel your emotions. Cry for as long as you need to, and know that you don’t have to go through this alone. Call a best friend, mom, or sister who will let you vent and will give you sound advice. It helps 🙂
4. Don’t take to social media about it. You know what I’m talking about ladies. 😉 Those sad song quotes, sexy selfies, and angry tweets ARE NOT ACCEPTABLE. He doesn’t deserve your shout-out. 😉
5. Don’t let your past relationship affect your new blossoming relationship. Carrie Bradshaw said it best. You can’t get to a future if your past is still present.

 
I hope this post was helpful if you needed to hear this. Let me know below what relationship topics you want me to blog next!
 
..Mwah!


Sazan
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  1. Okey this “I thought I had my entire life figured out. I met a Kurdish guy at the age of 16 and decided, YEP. He is the one. I was in a long distance relationship but that didn’t scare me. I saw it as a healthy challenge.” this right here scares the shit out of me cuz this is my current love life…I’ve been with my kurdish love for almost 2 years now and we live in different countries in Europe..and I’m EXACTLY the girl you just described :/ Okey..I’m scared! HAHAH SHIT!

    1. Don’t be scared! Everyone’s story is different so hopefully mine inspires you to seek more wisdom – something I wish someone would have told me!

  2. Thank you so much sazan !! You are right . Right now I need these words more than anything else & it is really hard to over come this sad feelings cuz still thinking about why this happened to me 😞 did I choose wrong person … etc

  3. Love you Saz ! This is perfect advice for any girl going through this right now. I’ve been through the same, and honestly, I’ve found the man of my dreams. I had to kiss a few frogs, before finding my Prince Charming. It wasnt easy, but in the end, it was all worth it.

    Cheers love
    Dawn

  4. Breakups suck. I went through one a few months ago and it was horrible, but time really does heal everything – as cliche as that sounds it’s so true. 🙂

  5. Hi Sazan!

    My boyfriend of three years and I just bought a house and moved in with each other. Things have definitely changed in our relationship, some for the better (like we actually don’t fight as much as we used to), but some for the worse (We’re finding it really difficult to carve quality time out for each other now). Can you write a post about what it was like moving in with Stevie and the challenges you did or do still face? Thanks!

  6. ❤ I love it !!
    I think a relationship is choosing the other person every day. You’ll always learn something new about the other everyday. (Like an adventure) ☺️

  7. Very sweet post! And I think everyone has gone through a rough patch atleast once in their life.. I’m now married to a wonderful husband who understands me and I can be who I want to be, which is what an ideal relationship should be like! Love this post ❤️

  8. I too have Been in a relationship since I was 16! It’s hard to let go. Especially when you know it isn’t right, but you’re scared. You’re advice is perfect Sazan, and you’ve inspired me in so many of your posts. This being one of them! I love yours and Stevie’s relationship, I’m so glad you’ve found each other & allows me to have hope that true love is really out there 🙂

  9. I love this. I was in a relationship for almost 5 years. I was 18, in college, and never really had a serious bf. I had that same feeling of he’s the “one”. We were really good for about 2 years, and then all of a sudden things started going downhill. Since I was a year ahead, it was more of us just growing apart/growing up. I was moving onward and upward and he was slowly going backwards. You’re right…that final straw came almost 3 years later and I just knew that I needed to move on to be who I wanted to be. It’s been about 8 months since we broke up and people always tell me how amazing it is to see me now; someone bright and alive. I felt I had lost myself trying to make a relationship work that wasn’t meant to be. Thanks for sharing this. It helps to know that you aren’t alone in any hardships in life. Reach out to those who love you and to whoever inspires you to help you get through those rough patches. It’s true that times heals everything!

  10. Omg! The write words in the right moment 🙁 my ex broke my heart 3 months ago and i felt sooo lonely because he end up with me ,with a bunch of excuses 😔 I am still confused and sad ,even worst after almost 4 years of relationship 😢 I hope everything is going to be better for me ! Thank you soo so much zasann! Send you greetings from Peru !🇵🇪❤️Tons of love 😊

  11. Omg! Thank you so mich for sharing your stories. I’m not in a relationship right now, and the reason is basically my dad. I want to meet a guy by myself, not in the traditional kurdish way you know, and he is ok with that, but it HAS to be a kurdish guy. He would freak out if I were to get feelings for a guy if he weren’t kurdish…

    Anyway, Sazan, you always give me hope. With boys, fashion, life itself. You are such a big idol to me. You are the big sister I never got, so thank you so much. Keep doing you boo❤️

  12. Hi Saz!love your blog and follow you regularly ! I appreciate that your situation is part of modern society . Mixing of different races and cultures is becoming more and more common and it’s so refreshing to see you and Stevie doing that so well ! I am currently in a relationship of 2 and half years and am a Muslim girl who is with an African American Christian . It’s overwhelmingly difficult to think about a family and how we would raise our kids or a wedding and how our families would be (mine is 100% opposed) it’s something I’m having a hard time accepting and dealing with . I’m much older than you so I’m not getting the “this is it and the one feeling” I feel like with age my idea of love and relationship has changed and I’ve accepted it. Being an independent , strong , and cultured woman like yourself I’d love if you would share with us your experience on the transition for you and Stevie . I’m sure there are many more of us that would love to hear and learn from your experience . Xoxo -T

  13. Thanks for this! It would be great if you could let us know your thoughts on what you think makes a marriage work? Take care! 🙂

  14. Thank you for this! I went through a break up after 6 years together w by ex I met when I was 16 too! So I totally get it. Can you tell us how long it took for you and Steve to start dating after your break up? 🙂 I think it’s relevant to me because I got judged for dating someone a few months after I ended my previous relationship (but I’m very happy w my decision haha)

  15. Sazan Thank you so much for this blog, God knows that currently in my life I have been going through so much hurt but I am going through the healing process, I thank God for your life and bless you and Steve

  16. Thank you Sazan!
    I watch your videos and see your posts and snaps with Stevie all the time and thought, hey, if sazan can go through hell and back and end up the happiest she’s ever been, I can stick through this and come out the other end as she did too! I was hoping for a post from you regarding your past and you came through! Thank you for sharing, really needed this! Lots of love, blessings and eternal happiness to you two! ❤️

  17. Your comment is awaiting moderation.
    Thank you Sazan!
    I watch your videos and see your posts and snaps with Stevie all the time and thought, hey, if sazan can go through hell and back and end up the happiest she’s ever been, I can stick through this and come out the other end as she did too! I was hoping for a post from you regarding your past and you came through! Thank you for sharing, really needed this! Lots of love, blessings and eternal happiness to you two! ❤️

  18. This helped a lot. My almost 6 year relationship ended a few months ago & I’m still trying to figure myself out & adjusting to the single life. thanks for sharing your story, girl. 🙂

  19. My first love was supposed to be the only one I will ever have ! So stupid I was haha !! But back at the time, it was just heartbroken (litteraly) when he left me !Never thought I would get over it and then, with time, it heels. Now looking back, there were sooooo much “mistakes” !! My second relationship was more like the opposite, but at some point I knew he wasn’t for me. My mistake was to try to believe this could be the one but… Enough was enough ! And now, here I am, single and happy !

  20. Hi sazan… just read your latest blog, saw the link on Insta. That was very nice. I talk about you and Steve quite a bit with my girlfriend ( I talk like I’ve known u guys for a very long time and i even refer to the two of you as Sazzy boo amd Stevie boi…)
    Btw am i the first guy to write to you on your blog? If so great, if not, that’s great too… 😎 Anyway tell stevie i said what uuuppp!!!

  21. Your blog post reminded me of a quote that I really love. It goes something like this… I’m not here for a long time, I’m here for a good time.

  22. This helped, I am in college and I just recently broke up with my boyfriend, and the best thing you can do like you said is to love yourself and I know God has bigger plans for me! hopefully one day I’ll meet my Stevie Thank you for sharing your story! You’re the best ❤️

  23. I REALLY LOVE YOU SAZ! you inspire me in every single way, and I also really needed to read this from a strong woman like you! Every girl should know that heartbreakers are not worth our sadness. It’s all temporary and it will turn around and this hard time will be nothing but a faint memory.

  24. Hi Sazan, just want to say THANK YOU very much for this post !

    I have been following you now since 2 years and you really inspire me ! not only with you style but really the person you are.

    I wish you all the best with steve, both of you guys are just so cute together !

    Bisous bisous (as we say in france) 🙂

  25. You’re the best Persian girl sanaz khoshgel😘 I really like you and Stevie and wish you all the best,

    Xx

    1. she’s not Persian. Her name is sazan Barzani. She’s kurdish. But now her name is Sazan Hendrix because her husband’s name is Stevie Hendrix. 😊

  26. Thanks for the challenge, Sazan. I’m trying to find out HOW to live after an abusive 8year long relationship. Just the thought of coming up with 10 things that make me “great” gives me hope for a future. Also, just a note, I scanned the comments to see if anyone else might have been in a similar situation(nearly a decade of toxicity) and didn’t see one. I’d never wish that sort of thing on anyone but if you’re reading this and you relate.. hi 🙂 I understand. We’all be alright.

  27. Needed this! Left a longtime love about a year ago and still trying to figure out who I want to be! Love your blog 💞

  28. Loved this post Sazan! and your honesty, humility, kindness and openness.

    Please please please do more relationship posts!

    I’d love for you to do a post on

    how you knew Stevie was the one? and how to nurture a healthy relationship?

  29. Sazan Xan,

    Thank you for sharing your journey and the less glamorous bumps along the way–detours we all go through in life. Funny enough, I am in the flip-side situation of you: my husband is Kurdish, and I am not! One important lesson I think those of us who are in mixed marriages have learned is that as long as the person is loving, supportive, treats you with respect, and helps you to become your best you then their country of origin or ethnicity is only important in that it adds diversity to your relationship. Rather than a point of contention, it can add something fun to learn about, share, and experience together. Every culture has beautiful aspects and traditions as well as areas for improvement. When we have the opportunity to experience multiple cultures intimately we can create our own “home-culture” taking the best parts of both and leaving behind parts that no longer serve us in our journey as individuals, as couples, and, eventually, as parents responsible for guiding others on their path. However, I know the freedom to learn this lesson and appreciate our spouse for their cultural differences rather than in spite of them, is a freedom both of us have had the luxury to enjoy that not all are privy to. Anyways, I love you and so do all my friends! You are fabulous both inside and out. Wishing you and your hubby the best always. Just a long shot I knooow, but if you are ever in the Dallas area and want to get Coffee or have homemade Kurdish food let me know. I would probably die of excitement.

  30. Thank you Satan, How strange!!! I’m at the lowest moment of my life, and all of a sudden this came up. I’ve been married for 17 years and together for 20. I love my husband, but maybe our cultural differences have taken a toll. Me being Chilean Italian and my husband being Lebanese. I’ve investead a lot trying to understand the culture, thinking it was me. Something maybe that I was doing wrong. I finally came to the conclusion that, I never had a say. At the end of the day, he decides our destine. I hope one day to meet you!!!

  31. I couldn’t have said it any better myself girl. I always tell young women to wait for the one God sends you, and believe me, His plan is MUCH better than ours. Coming from an Egyptian culture I understand (100%) that 16-year old mindset, where marriage was before M.D.. When I realized that was not what God intended me for, I made the decision to become a Veterinarian, and in my last year at UCLA as an undergraduate, I met the God-fearing man He intended for me to have. Keep doin’ work girl, love you 🙂

  32. Oh my god I needed this!! Am going through breakup right now & I really needed this. Thank you Sazan for an awesome post. For making me hope for a better future.. For making me hope for a better love.. wish u & stevie a life full of happiness & success 🙂

  33. I’ve been through that dark side too..and everything u said was true…i changed myself more stronger thn before…Thank you for sharing your past with us sazan..love you xoxo muah

  34. I come to your blog for your realness, and you never disappoint. This post is so relatable and important for people to know that even if you find a great relationship, you probably didn’t get there over night or without pain along the way. Thank you for always sounding like a friend giving advice and having a real conversation. <3

  35. oh em gie! It’s just like my story… I was so depressed over my ex boyfriend when I met my husband! I thought I would never get over my break up.. But i’m stronger than ever and pregnant with my bestfriends aka hubbys child (L) I adore you & stevie..

    I love posts like this, when you open up and talk about “every day problem”.

    XO
    A kurdish girl from the Netherlands.

  36. It’s so much better when we let God take control of our relationships, he knows what’s better for us, and he’s the only one who can heal every broken heart <3
    Glad to see that you are happy and so bless now.
    I love you and i love your posts and videos :*

    -Amaris Durán.

  37. You both are a match made in heaven! I love everything you both represent! So, happy for you! Sending blessings your way, always! Thanks for sharing this post!

  38. This post is awesome. Thank you Sazan.

    The selfish comment you made about your ex, is somewhat how my boyfriend and I became after a while, but we have a daughter together, and still love each other, and I’m so happy to say that we worked it out after going to therapy. I’m not saying we are perfect, because there are still relapses with the selfishness, but over all it feels worth it, and I couldn’t imagine life without us being a family.
    x

  39. Breakups seriously suck so bad. I went through a tough one 4 years ago and I believe God places you in those circumstances for a reason. If it wasn’t for that breakup, I wouldn’t be with the incredible man I am with today…I am soo grateful for what I had to go through to finally find THE ONE for me. The journey may be difficult, but the end result is always worth it.
    http://www.lacasabloga.com

  40. Great post, much needed in this point of my life. Over the summer the man I have been with for over 5 years decided he doesn’t want to try anymore. He gave up on our relationship and I finally gave up too. It hurt when you have been the one trying and the other person doesn’t care. A few weeks later I started talking to a guy who I have had a crush on since elementary school. We went on a date and that was it…3 months later we got married. Life is crazy and like you said, you think you have it all figured out. It hard to get someone out of you heart and head after you been with them for so long. I guess time is the best medicine.
    Love always,
    Thays

    http://www.simplythays.com

  41. So well written! Love this post and the positive advice that you give. Think it’s so important to remember how special we are as individuals. Finding love is such a beautiful thing, but we are equally as beautiful on our own! Thank you for sharing your story, Sazan! xo

  42. Thank you so much for this beautiful post Sazan. While I am happily married I’ve been through one or two heartbreaks in the past. Would have been nice to read such a post back then.
    Have a wonderful week my darling.
    Cheers,
    T.
    https://tbymallano.com/

  43. Hi Saz,

    As many of the ladies above have said..thank you.
    You’re right in the fact that i HAVE been following you for a few years now and every time I would see a photo of you and Stevie, I would whisper to myself…”one day Lex, one day”.
    Fast forward and now I have truly found someone, a wonderful man that I believe will be my forever. Who made me realize that all those heartbreaks from before were worth it because it brought us together. (Gosh that sounds cheesy, but it’s true.)
    Anywho, I would love to read/hear real advise on how to make a relationship work, how to over come the struggles, how he helped you become a better listener and how you helped him. How do you guys deal with jealousy, when did he decide he was going to work side by side with you? Things like that? I know I could use some of those questions answered, from a different point of view from a couple I admire.

    just suggesting 🙂
    -Lex

  44. I couldn’t have seen this post at a better time, as i just went through a breakup over the weekend with a guy i thought i’d be marrying. Thanks for reiterating to me the importance of supporting one another in a relationship, motivating me to find that!

  45. Let me just say I am just so happy I found you! Best blog ever, thank you for all of lovely words and opening up a little bit about your life. Its wonderful to hear others stories, there is comfort in it. Letting others know that they are not alone. I just watched your youtube video about how you got started and everything and its very inspirational. I LOVE IT!

  46. I’m French so if I make mistakes, forgive me lol. This article helps me a lot and I agree with all the points. Unfortunately, I’m always looking for my goal as you were before meeting Steve. I hope to meet happiness soon as you have. You inspire me a lot.
    I wish you the best !

  47. This made me cry a little. I think women can relate to the fact that when we have our hearts broken, we feel so alone, because it hurts too much you don’t realize that you’re never alone, family and friends are everything!

    Thank You ♥️

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